Swiffer sucks

Swiffer is terrible. It’s a complete waste of time, money and whatever the hell those stupid pads are made out of.

I hate Swiffer because it really doesn’t clean. It’s touted as this super absorbent awesome no-fuss no-muss hyper dynamic can’t-live-without tool of the new millennium, but really it’s just a stick with a diaper wipe attached at the end of it. Let’s be real.

Since our house has 0% carpet I have had many opportunities to scoff at the shitty attempt Swiffer makes at wiping crap up. The handle is permanently bent now because I literally have to stand and scrub at a piece of grime on the floor. Not to mention I need about four wipes to clean my kitchen floor- on one hand, because they stop absorbing anything after about one square foot, but on the other hand because they suck in general. They are sopping wet when you first remove a “wipe” from the package, then after about four goes they essentially work only to spread dirt/grime/crud in various directions all around your house. After each use, I have to grab a paper towel and wipe up the grime-pile that accumulated.

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after a run through with Swiffer

But in a way, Swiffer is a totally genius invention. If you think about it, consumers are convinced they need this appliance, which requires a steady stream of replenishing, particularly since more than one pad is needed to thoroughly clean a room. And those pads are NOT A SMOKIN’ DEAL! They’re like a g!! Then, the actual “non-disposable mechanism is so insanely flimsy that you might as well buy a replacement every 18 months or so as well. So, whoever came up with this scam deserves some credit. Kudos to you, you darn ol’ smart ol’ manipulative ol’ advertising executive, you. We (like, the royal we) salut you.

In closing, I’ll be tossing this hunk a junk out tomorrow.

Muttering

I know it has been a long time since I wrote anything and I don’t care to elaborate on eyeliner anymore. But if have been thinking a lot about why it is that middle aged moms are always muttering to themselves at the grocery store.

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Draw the line!

I said in my post about Beyond Cozy by Essie that I had the best BFF ever. Here is another example, one of the Christmas gifts from her this year:

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Fucking awesome. And perfect timing too, since my gel pot eyeliner from M.A.C. is on its last leg. So why not fully embrace this excitement with some day by day information for the handful of followers I have? (Even though I probably just lost someone with my use of the word ‘fucking’.)

what’s in it: six, count ’em, six ! sexy and exciting eyeliners(seven if you count the urban decay double stick as 2) There are three liquid and three pencil eyeliners:
stila stay all day liquid eyeliner
Urban decay 24/7 glide on
Eyeko skinny liquid eyeliner
Stila smudge stick
Make up forever aqua eyes
Sephora collection – long lasting 12 hour liquid eyeliner

Today I’m going to focus on the liquid eyeliner from stila, which is my favorite in this sampler. It uses a felt tip, not a brush – which was a little bit tricky switching back from using a brush. BUT the beauty (pun intended?) of it is that the stila eyeliner is so easy to use that it almost always looks good.

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Here’s a picture of the felt tip.

Also, this is not a tutorial on using liquid eyeliner. I was alone this morning, so there was no one to take pictures of me as I applied the make up. I also don’t want to steer anyone in the wrong direction… especially because part of my process includes using a q-tip with my own saliva as a corrector when I make mistakes (sorry for the TMI).

If you came here looking for a liquid eyeliner tutorial, I am sorry. My best piece if advice is: don’t be afraid of liquid eyeliner like I was in high school! Go get a cheap drug store brand, figure it out, and then invest in something more expensive and better quality. Maybe I will do a tutorial another time … But today, this is just my opinion.

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Here’s my ‘before’ picture (I am wearing a little concealer and moisturizer in this picture).

There’s a lot that I like about this particular eyeliner. It stays put all day, it’s really easy to control whether or not you have a bold line or a fine line, and it’s great to layer with – even with other brands of eyeliners. It really stands out among the bunch as being the most versatile and easiest to work with.

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Here’s my ‘after’.

I also like that stila doesn’t take long to dry. For me, it is so appreciated that when I make a mistake, it requires nothing more than a swipe or two of my handy dandy q-tip and I’m good to go. I remember I had a liquid eyeliner from M.A.C., Liquidlast; it’s probably my favorite eyeliner once it’s on correctly, but getting to that point was such a bitch. For example, the Liquidlast was somewhat thick and difficult to work with, lending itself to more mistakes from the get go. Then, once a mistake was made, you had to act FAST to fix it: if it dried too much it meant wiping it all off with make up remover and starting all over again.

But I am glad to have the best of both worlds with stila. Compared to the rest of the liquids in this set, I would say it has the perfect amount of thickness – thick without being too thick. As you will see, the Eyeko lives up to the self-designated “skinny” label. But that is a tale for another day.

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There are no downsides to this eyeliner that I can think of. At times, the felt tip does dry out while I’m using it, but if I recap and give it a quick shake it is good as new.

Stay tuned for more tales from draw the Line. I hope this was helpful and not completely useless information. Either way, I appreciate any feedback!

Essie, Beyond Cozy

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I do think I have achieved eternal coziness with this nail polish. Although I’m partial to Essie nail polish always n forever, I have to pay special homage to this shade which is so fun and exciting and, most importantly, a gift from my bff4l, Liz. But the best part is: only one coat results in total Beyond Cozy perfection.

Love proclaimed on a $5 bill

Initially I thought to myself, “$5, what a cheapskate.” But you know, love is immeasurable, priceless in its own right; it soars to heights where numbers become irrelevant and then stop existing altogether. But, still, I have to wonder. Why would you be giving your lover a $5 bill. Cash is a questionable gift, as far as romance goes, regardless of the amount. My true hopes for this $5 bill: two lovers separated by distance and much more are trying to send messages to each other through our nation’s currency.

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